My best advice is pretty simply, and easy to remember.




God gave us two ears and one mouth. I prefer to use them in that proportion.




Quick to listen --- slow to speak (James 1:19)








Here's what that means in practical terms.




People, and especially females, want to be listened to.




I have disciplined myself to let my wife speak. (and SHUT my mouth)


It's a dialogue, not a discussion. I nod and make agreeable sounds.


If she asks me a question, I give a brief answer.


I don't talk until she "runs out of fuel" - LOL




To be clear, this is a daily exercise, not that way it is all day long.


She needs my ears MORE than she needs my mouth.




If you analyze the form I use with posters online,


you can see how I engage with people in general.




Rather than make a declaration against something I clearly disagree with,


I will ask them a question. Typically, "What do you make of this?"


With a challenging scripture pasted below.




I don't claim that my personal opinion is "the Word of God".


What if I am wrong? Misrepresented my God.




There is a time for firmer engagement, but I don't lead with that.


You've seen me take posters to task. I can get pretty aggressive if need be.




The trick is determining WHEN that is.




We should operate in the gift of prophecy as defined here.




1 Corinthians 14:3 NIV


But the one who prophesies speaks to people for their strengthening, encouraging and comfort.


Hello St Steven, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and wise advice, I will definitely apply them into my daily life.




I have never heard of the saying "God gave us two ears and one mouth." until now, but it's true. Thinking about it, I've noticed the best conversations I have had with my mother and my sister is where I just listened to what they say.




It's interesting. My sister has said she appreciates having "talks" (is the term), but I never really said anything. So I think it's just the idea of having someone listen. So I will guard my tongue, and discipline it.




I have an IPhone, and I've tried using the "text-to-speech" feature on it to try and replicate this behavior of "feeling listened to", talking aloud, but it doesn't have the same effect LOL. A uniquely human phenomenon for sure.




You mention asking a question too. "What do you make of this". This is interesting! A few weeks back, my friend with a Ph.D told me "If you don't agree with what someone's doing, instead of telling them to stop, ask them why they do it." I consider both you and him wise, so, scientifically speaking, the fact both you and him came to the same conclusion tells me I should also use this approach in my life!




Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.



I see. So it is still possible to rebuke, as long as it's operating in this "gift of prophecy" then. As in, promoting strength, encouragement and comfort. So I imagine rebuking a doctrine like ET, which causes weakness, despair and worry to it's victims (I know from personal experience, I used to believe in it), would be acceptable then? And I'm careful with how I say this, but I mean rebuking the doctrine itself, not the person then, right? I believe I understand the concept of rebukal much better from this experience.




Again, thank you for taking the time to help me out, my friend. I greatly appreciate your support. Christ's blessings.


- Harold Samson


[QUOTE=Meerkat2;64874647]Ifm no expert, in my opinion a lot of this is about immaturity and not having good personal and relationship boundaries in place yet


To me it sounds like she may be feeling insecure


I have struggled with that type of thing as well, it seems to be about putting a lot of energy into trying to please others or fit in with others and it puts a toll on your own personal resources and sense of self and  you can get overloaded


Itfs a bit of a juggling act working out different types of relationships and responsibilities, and the eteenf years are known to be a troubled time for many


This is just my opinion and something to think about[/QUOTE]


Hmm... I see. When I was younger, I remember my mother mentioned that I had a similar immaturity when I was younger. Honestly, I agree with her. It seems a lot maturity comes with age and having more life experiences.


Now I understand why you want me to wait on mentioning UR stuff to her. Thinking about it, she is very busy with academics, extra-curriculars, friends. I always help her with projects like editing, proof-reading, quizzing, etc, trying to lighten the burden, but she's bearing a lot of the brunt of it. Suddenly jumping in trying to now explain the whole Universal Salvation theology when she's tired mentally is only going to come across as confusing at best. Unlike ET, the joy I have with Universalism is that eventually everyone will become believers in Christ. So there's no need to rush.


Overall, thank you so much for everything you've said my friend, I greatly appreciate it :) Please have an amazing day! :D