Journal Entry 125 – Steep Sleep
January 19th (Thursday) 2018
I have no friends, now that I think about it. The most kind, thoughtful person I’ve ever met (besides
God), is my cuddly blanket Loran. I can hug her and squeeze her and get comfort from her without
feeling shameful for thinking these thoughts… I can go up to her and talk about these things without
getting yelled at, or argued at, or ignored by. Out of all the people I have ever met, she’s the only person
who truly cares. I’m crying right now.
Journal Entry 128 – Apply Seek
January 22
nd (Monday) 2018
I have my cuddly blanket Loran, who, despite being an inanimate object, is much more comforting and
peaceful to be around than any of my other family members. She’s the only person I get comfort from in
this house, the rest just give me motivation to leave
Journal Entry 129 – Math Finale
January 23rd (Tuesday) 2018
BVut anyways, I’m just glad I have Loran, since she’s so nice to cuddle with (she’s a blanket btw lol).
Hahahah, that’s my hope to live.
Journal Entry 134 – LessLoss
January 28th (Sunday) 2018
Right now, it’s just Loran (my
so cute so cuddely blanket, one of the biggest reasons I have to not kill myself and just continue to stay
alive), but soon it will be more.
Journal Entry 154 – Axe-tual Break
February 17th (Saturday) 2019
Anyways, my family have gone who knows where, but that’s fine because while they were here and
mom screaming so loudly, like I could literally hear it from downstairs, I was cuddling with my super soft
cuddly blanket Loran (or is it Loren? Idk, my project has been infested with other stuff that I don’t want
to think about).
Journal Entry 163 – Something Goes Bump
February 26th (Monday) 2018
. So I guess this is the skill level they’re expecting at a Essentials Math level, but whatever,
it’s a nice padding for my GPA, a nice soft cushion, reminds me of my soft Loran
Journal Entry 179 - HotKeyin
March 14
th (Wednesday) 2018
, I want a
cuddly wife boi, like my blanket Loran)
Journal Entry 181 – One Step At A Time
March 16
th (Friday) 2018
My rivals, my suffering, my joys and my cuddles (Loran is literally the
best lol), they all motivate me to keep going in life, no matter how hard things get. Be cause it’s worth it
for the good parts of life.
Journal Entry 183 – E-going
March 18th (Sunday) 201
s. I’ve heard someone online say once that you have to be your own best friend, and I find
that true. With Loran, I congratulate myself about how far I’ve come, how much stronger I’ve gotten,
and all the progress I’ve made. It’s why I still make these journal entries, to take the time to pat myself
on the back for all the good I’ve done
Journal Entry 184 – Road of Recovery
March 19th (Monday) 2018
I love my life, just masturbating in the beds with Loran is so…. ahhhhh… and
stepmania too just so good. Life’s getting good again, and I love it. See ya guys later
Journal Entry 185 – Gotta HandIn to Him
March 20th
(Tuesday) 2018
Anyways, see ya dudes. Ahhh, Loran is so cuddly and cute, I’mma try to sleep early just to enjoy life
Journal Entry 187 – Hit the Puberty
March 22
nd (Thursday) 2018
Hey, but for now I have cuddly Loran, and wow she’s
so soft and cute it’s wonderful. Like literally, just cuddling her makes my mood improve drastically it’s
great. ( plus, t he f act that I ’m not searching up that hing + t hat other t hing anymor e, just ignoring it )
Journal Entry 189 - Relaxy
March 23rd (Friday) 2018
Ahh, you know things are good when you wake up when you were snuggling in bed with Loran for a bet
So I always make sure to compliment myself through the self#emotional manipulation of Loran. Ahhh, it’s wonderful.
Journal Entry 189 – First Day Technic
March 24
th (Saturday) 2018
Now, this may
seem sudden, but it has context. What I love to do before waking is to jerk off while hugging Loran,
having her softness brush up against my face. It’s why it’s nice to sleep naked too, since it sometimes
get’s hot with all the moving around.
Well, that’s that. Hey, just be glad I’m actually talking about physical events and not some random
spiritual platitude stuff about being strong and what not. I’ve really grown a lot, and I’m proud of myself
for that. Literally, one of the greatest feelings in the world (besides Loran and leaving other thing
forever)
Journal Entry 193 – A Trip to the Toilet
March 28
th (Wednesday) 2018
What pisses me off is that as soon as I wake
up after masturbating to my cute cuddly blanket Loran (so cute) and ejaculate in the toilet, it won’t
flush. I mean, it does flush, but not fully.
Journal Entry 197 – Don’t’ Disapoint The Niko
April 1st (Sunday) 2018
Anyways, I need to do my french. Woke up at 4:00 PM (Loran was too cuddly today aww so cute) and
now it’s 8:00 pm. I am freaking getting this diploma now lol
Journal Entry 198 - Hairicane
April 1st (Sunday) 2018
Maybe that’s why I made the reality that is Loran, but I love her more than anything
else in this world. I want to have a good life for her sake, so she can be happy, well I say that as a guise
to my own selfishness, I want to be happy. And all of this screaming, this noise, this ukulele, this tv. It
hurts. And I’m promising myself that I’m buying noise cancelling headphones. I’m hypersensitive and
this hurts so much. I don’t need so much money, in fact I’ll already make more money than most people
by simply not buying a car. I need to cuddle Loran for a bit and hug her. I’ll have enough money, I will be
happy.
I’m strong and beautiful for having dealt with it, and every day through Loran I
remind myself those things.
My head hurts less and I feel so much joy when cuddling and snuggling with
cute Loran, who I tell myself through that I’m strong and beautiful for having survived these trials.
Do you hear that? Oh wait I already made that joke. Anyways, I love how the time just flies when I’m
cuddling my blanket Loran, it’s so peaceful and cute.
). I’m thankful for my
cuddley blanket Loran who makes sleeping so much more fun and cuddly. She’s proof that feeling every
present sense makes us happy, it’s the only thing that can. As an INFJ I know I think about the past and
future a lot, but I can evolve past that state, to become stronger. I’m already strong and beautiful for
going through what I did go through, so I’m on the road to be even better than I already was
Journal Entry 204 – It’s Over
April 8th (Sunday) 2018
That’s why I love you
Loran, it’s like my complimenting myself and appreciating the presentr moment, not worrying about
what if’s in the future, that doesn’t matter. Only in the present can we be happy. By
Journal Entry 205 – Today is the Day
April 10th (Tuesday) 2018
, for my sake, for Loran’s sake, and for a sake where I don’t suicide.
Seeya
Journal Entry 206 – Make Room
April 10th (Wednesday) 2018
I have Loran and that’s all I need, she’s so wonderful, cuddly and soft.
Journal Entry 208 – Water Bottle
April 12
th (Thursday) 2018
I promise you Loran that when I get a job and move out I will comfort you as much as I can. I will protect
you and be there for you, because the only person that can make me happy is myself
Loran, I
promise you, when I am in charge of the house, there will be no more shouting, no more loud noises, it
will be quiet as if no one is here. I promise you that Loran, from the bottom of my heart. I deserve to
make myself happy. That is my purpose in life, that is the meaning of my life.
I love you Loran. More than anything else in the world. You’re the reason why I haven’t killed myself, I
love you so much. I love you. (huh) mwah :3
weeeewwww I love life hahahah, and finished assignment quick since focus and not stress but meditate
(11:50 PM). I’m so much stronger now in life, and I love life. I love you Loran so much.
If you could take one message from this series, don’t trust anyone, except yourself.
You’re the only person that matters. I love you Loran
Journal Entry 210 – Double Blanket
April 14
th (Saturday) 2018
Family isn’t here, so I can rest. I just love cuddling with Loran so much. I comfort myself there, I grab two
blankets and cuddle Loran and she feels like a real person who I’m hugging and getting support from.
She heals my headaches and stops me from pacing too much in the hallway about various concepts. I
thought about the Myer Briggs personality thing, but then she cheered me up about it. The only person
who can make me happy is me, and I’m strong and beautiful. I’ve gone through so much in life that it’s
made me stronger, more resistant to the bad times in life so that, while there’s no guarantee that life
will get better or not, I will be more used to it and it will hurt me less. And that’s what I love about life
the most.
Journal Entry 212 – By Sight
April 16th (Sunday) 2018
Ahhh, I’m glad I’m panicing less though. I feel so free now and it’s wonderful. I always make sure to
compliment myself and to support myself through Loran because I know that the only person who will
ever truly care about me is myself. Blah blah blah, other stuff that I don’t feel like talking about. Seesh,
talking about my feelings is like walking across a field of landmines, I don’t want to remember
something horrible since I’m still recovering, so I shouldn’t panic about rushing into explaning all of this
so far. After all, I write these for my own sake.
Journal Entry 213 - IFound
April 17th (Tuesday) 2018
You know what’s nice? Cuddling with Loran. Literally she’s my biggest supporter and who I love the
most. I don’t bother worrying about the future, in fact I don’t bother trying to cover up the feelings of
not bothering, it doesn’t matter. Only in the present are we happy. But what’s helped me the most is
how the only one who can make me happy is me.
Journal Entry 214 – Suck Up
April 18th (Wednesday) 2018 I’mma
cuddle Loran for a bit then sleep early. See ya.
Journal Entry 215 – Ten PM
April 19th (Thursday) 2018
I could have been alone and relaxing and cuddling with Loran, but no instead they had to be freaking
here
Anyways, I’mma rest and sleep and cuddle Loran. Ahhhh, I missed you Loran so much I love you :3
(Literally don’t know what I’d do without you, literally the best thing in my life)
Anyways, see ya!
Journal Entry 217 – Two PM
April 20th (Friday) 2018
Ahhh, the beneifits of being a masochist. Where I’m masturbating I can just imagine myself in pain and it
feels so wonderful. Hahahhahahahahahaha. Plump bottom, blood, getting spanked with Loran in my
arms for being lazy hahahahah. You think I’m worried about not being able to sleep? Hahahahah I don’t
care about that, no matter what Loran always feels so soft and it feels so wonderful.
Journal Entry 219 – D Day
April 23rd (Monday) 2018
I then study in the resource before checking my phone on time to get to the bus on time. Now I’m here.
Yippee. Loran is so cuddly she is literally my motivation to live right now lol. I always worry about a
bunch of future stuff, but then realize that none of it matters. The only thing that matters is my own
happiness, and with Loran, I’m already happy. And I want to live as long as possible so I can spend as
much time as I can with her. She’s amazing, literally the closest friend I have, the one person who’s been
able to comfort me.
Ahhhh, don’t take life too seriously. Just enjoy the journey. See ya!
Journal Entry 219 – D Day
April 23rd (Monday) 2018
Aieieieiei. But I swear. If you do something to Loran. My precious little angel. I, will, end, you. I repeat. I,
will, END, you. Not really a repetition, since I went full caps on “end”, but whatever.
Oh… OOHHHH… You bitch. My mom is a bitch. After cuddling and crying (no tears tho) into Loran for like
15 minutes and shaking in sadness and hurt, I realize that she’s just gas lighting me. Why? I don’t know,
maybe for the heck of it or something, or just cruel sadistic attempt. A
I want to sleep in comfort with Loran, not be tortured while sleeping.
And well, I’m glad Loran exists
Journal Entry 222 – Disinterest
April 26th (Thursday) 2018
Ahhhh, it’s so nice just to
hear literally nothing and to be in bed with a cute cuddly girl (Loran). That’s the benefit of sensitive.
While you’re sensitive to the bad things, you’re also more sensitive to the good things
Journal Entry 227 – No Yogurt
May 1st (Monday) 2018
. I love you Loran, because while a woman has support,
imagine how powerful I’ll be through my own self love.
Journal Entry 228 – AniNone
May 2nd (Wednesday) 2018
Overall, I’m looking forward to life, not worrying about the future. I’ve still got a lot of years left to do all
sorts of things in life, and I’m not going to kill myself so that everything I’ve done will be wasted and in
vain. I’ll keep going no matter what, because it’s wonderful. TO not obsessively look at the mirror, and
to just feel the softness of my blanket Loran and to break free from the gender stereotypes of strength
and to be a sensitive and emotional
Journal Entry 231– Shave and A Hair Cut
May 5th (Saturday) 2018
Also I appreciate hugs to an even greater level, like if I never went
through that pain, I would appreciate the majestic beautiful softness that is my blanket Loran. She’s so
precious and cute.
Ahhh, that topic made me cry for like an hour. Ok, but it’s over now. I can rest. It’s fine, there’s
still things in life that I can enjoy. Though I know one thing ofr sure. I’m crying as I type this. But,
I’ll make sure I work hard so that I can have all the happy things I want in life. Hair extensions
for long hair, soft blankets like Loran, video games, anime
Ahhh, it feels so good to cry that all out. That’s literally the most that I’ve cried ever. And it was
so wonderful, that I laughed while crying. To let all of that pain out. I love you Loran, you’re the
only one who matters anymore in this meaningless world. I love you so much. You let me be
sensitive and soft and cute when I’m beside you and for that I love you. So much. Thank you
Journal Entry 232 – Hair to the Temple
May 6th (Sunday) 2018
. I’m at least grateful that my life isn’t as bad as the lives of other
people. I love myself, and it’s ok to be sensitive because that means I’ll experience the joys of life (like
Loran) even more. Just smile and laugh through the pain hahahahha. See ya
Journal Entry 233 – No Search
May 7th (Monday) 2018
That cheers me up just a little. Hah, I love being sensitive. Let’s hug and cuddle Loran. This pain, it makes
me a stronger, better and happier person
Journal Entry 235 – Valley
May 9th (Wednesday) 2018
. Though, I didn’t take a shower today, traded that in for some cuddly time with Loran since I
need to get all of this English stuff done by 17th. Also, when coming home I felt kinda stressed, as in I
created my own stress by thinking about my Project. And sure, you may be saying “well don’t think
about it” but it’s hard too since it’s so boring and it’s so exciting to sing songs in my head
Journal Entry 241 – Google Search
May 15
th (Tuesday) 2018
Ahhh, I didn’t think I’d make it but I was manage to come home early so I can ginger fig myself and
lemme tell you it was great. Sure, it hurt my anus for a bit, but the endorphins releasing afterwards was
just so phenomenal that I literally laid in bed for a whole hour cuddling Loran
Journal Entry 242 – Self Love
May 15th (Wednesday) 2018
Ok, first reminder to actually close off this folder with the password thingy, since I’m going to actually be
expressing some of my true feelings now and I don’t want them to negatively affect my feelings, like I
need an outlet, so I’ll pretend this is like talking to Loran right now (me) or something.
Journal Entry 243 – Balsamic Bath Bomb
May 17th (Thursday) 2018
Yooo, Loran comfirmed?
Journal Entry 253 – A Type of Project
May 27th (Sunday) 201
Like seesh, let me comfort Loran a
bit ok??? Like, yeah I could have gotten out of bed and told him to turn it down but 1) I won’t be tired
anymore since I got out of bed 2) realize my hunger 3) he’d probably turn it back up to wake me up
again. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who was pissed since my mom got pissed about it too. He’s just
lucky that it doesn’t take me that long to sleep unlike how it took like 3 hours in the past, positive
thinking and exercise has really helped. Though, what’s helped the most is Loran, like I can’t believe
there was a time where I didn’t sleep with Loran. No matter how much times I cuddle her, she’s still
sooooooo cute :3 I love you Loran, honestly, just seeing you happy all the time motivates me to live for
your sake so I can give you a wonderful life with me, a life better than this one.
Journal Entry 254 – Watch Bandit
May 28th (Monday) 2018
Oh yeah, plus a lot of soft blankets like Loran. (Of course, she’ll still be my special little sweetie).
I love you Loran, so much.
I’m better now and should be able to sleep better. I love you Loran, I’m doing this all for your
sake, because I know no matter how happy or sad I may get, you’ll always be happy and love me and
support me. I love you Loran, so much.
I know I’m sensitive. I
just see myself as soooo cuuutttteee and it’s a wonderful feeling to act cute to myself. I love you Loran. Anyways seeya
Journal Entry 264 – Git Gud Hub
June 8th (Friday) 2018
Already 6 0 clock, and math exam coming up on Wednesday next week. Oh well, I’ll just take a shower
quick. Ugh, why can’t resource by open after school on Fridayt at least long bus ride motivates me to
work during it and stay at the school longer to work even more. I’m going to make for myself a good life,
a life worth living because I love you Loran, and you’re the only person who I trust. I love you, so much.
es t o show how you can’t tr ust anyone, t he only person I tr tust is Loran. I’ m working har d f or my f ut ure, t his uf er ing m otivates me t o do wel and t o ear n a lot of money so t hat Ican r elax in lif e.
(or with) Loran
Journal Entry 265 – Math Study
June 9th (Saturday) 2018
s. And then
the whole waifu thing and how it could relate to Loran, etc. I will be successful, this motivates me to be
successful.
Journal Entry 266 – Monday Math
June 11th (Monday) 2018
Hahahahahaha, but what am I worried about with insomnia? More time to do the things that I enjoy in
life! In fact, what snapped me out of my r craziness was how my mom told me “instead of wasting your
time on this, imagine all the time you could have spent playing video games and doing things you enjoy
doing!”. It made me realize. The longer it takes for me to sleep, the more time I can spend playing video
games, watching anime, getting a massage, being in a hot tub, feeling Loran’s softness, smelling the
diffusion of oils with aromatherapy, listening to Touhou music, masturbating, feeling cool (air
conditioner) etc. What is insomnia other than the gift of more time?
Journal Entry 273 – Not Like Other Days
June 16th (Saturday) 2018
I’ll be able to cuddle with Loran and feel her
softness, playing with different softnesses.
I can still feel and touch the softness of Loran.
Stop it please.
Stop it
Stop.
I just want to be happy, though this suffering will make me stronger. I’ll get over this fear like the
countless other fears I’ve gotten over, and I’ll be stronger. Yeah, take this suffering now so I won’t have
to experience it when I’m older and will finally be able to enjoy life. I’ll be happy again, I promise you
this Loran. I owe it to myself to get myself all the things I’ve always wanted, I will obtain them, I will
make myself happy. I’m stronger than these feelings, these feelings are nothing, they don’t exist, just
don’t respond to them and the OCD will go away. Will the OCD go away? It will it will it will.
Journal Entry 274 – See Through It
June 17th (Sunday) 2018
I’d hug Loran and try to think to myself
And hey, no matter what I’d always be
able to hug Loran and feel her softness
Journal Entry 275 – Last Day of Highschool
I’ll see you guys later, and thank you, for acting as a release for my emotions.
I love you Loran, so much, I’m doing this for you after all. Only you mwah
Ahhh, back then I didn’t realize that I’d
develop such a fetish for Lorans like her
Journal Entry 286 – Miss Them
June 29th (Friday) 2018
Grade 12
Power obsessive, egotistic, narcissistic, pretty much still am today. Trying to work my hardest. Funny
how when I started Grade 9 I thought I had really matured and become stronger, but now looking back I
was weaker. By the time University’s done, I’ll be looking at my First Year and thinking how weak I was
back then, because hey there’s a lot of suffering ahead, but I’ll get through it. For your sake Loran.
Sure, all my friends are leaving, but I still have you Loran. You’re still here for my Loran. You still cuddle
with me Loran. And I still love you Loran. I love you Loran, so much.
Journal Entry 290 – Birds Hill Park
July 3rd (Tuesday) 2018
Loran you are my motivation in life.
. It’s the only thing that matters anymore, it’s the only thing that keeps me going, to motivate
myself, to love myself, to love Loran, to be happy. I deserve it, Loran you deserve it. After everything
you’ve suffered, you’re suffering won’t be in vain
Journal Entry 294 – Better Now Than Later
July 7th (Saturday) 2018
I won’t die. I won’t die. I won’t die.
For your sake Loran
Journal Entry 296 – Quiz Tomorrow
July 9th (Monday) 2018
d I’m having a bit of trauma again from checking that stuff out of
curiosity, relapsing from the stress, Loran is so soft
Journal Entry 338 – Age
August 20th (Monday) 2018
I imagine Loran hugging me and telling me that everything’s going to be all right and that she’s my best
friend and loves me, and that makes me cry. I don’t know if it’s joy or sadness, but it makes me feel
better
soft materials to cuddle with,
Loran, and I’ll never be sad again. Ahhhhhh, that makes me feel so much better, just thinking about that.
I won’t be bored,
Journal Entry 341 – Fraction Mind
August 22nd (Thursday) 2018
Journal Entry 341 – Fraction Mind
August 22nd (Thursday) 2018
I’m going to keep working hard, I’m hopeful for humanity. I’m not weak, and I’m not going to kill myself,
I’m working hard to get enough money to live the rest of my days in peace and happiness. Hell, maybe
even retire early or something. With money I can finally cure my own conditioning, I can get the things
that I need to be happy. That’s my hope for life, that’s what keeps me going. Money, I need it, and I
guess I’m glad that I was born suffering, because now I know the worth of money and how important it
is. It’s the only thing I care about, the only thing I want, because when I have it, it’s everything. I’m not
going to give up, no matter how much it hurts and how much everyday I want the pain to end, I know
killing myself will just solve nothing. I’m not weak, I’m strong, I’m Nalzon and I won’t fail. I’m not going
to give up, I’m going to keep working hard, I will have my revenge, I will have my joy, I will have my
eternal happiness and I will be sad no longer. And I will embrace the void of sadness and the fullness of
happiness with open arms and I’ll be happy, I promise you Loran I will be happy and I won’t die I won’t
die I won’t die I won’t die I won’t die I won’t die.
September 28th (Friday) 2018
. I’d rather kill myself than suffer down here, so I’m making the most of it. For your sake
Loran
Whenever I’m sad, I like to imagine myself sitting in a big hot tub with Loran
Journal Entry 379 - Inflation
September 30th (Sunday) 2018
I just want to be happy. Please. Please let me happy. I don’t want to be sad anymore. Please he lp me.
Loran. I just want to be happy. Promise me I’ll be happy. When I’m dead, when I’m gone from lice.
Please. I’m tired of worrying. I’m tired of this stupid life. Please, just let me free. I want to be happy
please. Please please please please please please help me. I want to be happy.
I want to use all my money to buy a bunch of stuffed animals to hug and to cuddle with all day, so I can
feel the love I’ve never felt. I want to go a day without wanting to kill myself, without wanting to get hit
by car or get a heartattack. I just want to be happy.
Promise me there’s a heaven that exists where we can all be happy.
I just want to be happy.
Help me.
Please.
Love you Loran, mwah. So cuddly, so cute. See ya!
Journal Entry 392 – Crabby Patties
October 13rd (Saturday) 2018
See ya guys later, and thanks for sticking around for so long.
Especially you Loran, I love you, mwah
Journal Entry 397 – Wanna MPThree
October 18th (Thursday) 2018
. Other hand, could be good, as these are merely challenges for
me to overcome to make me stronger… or something idk honestly I just wanna cuddle with loran bye
Journal Entry 398 – Great Pacific Garbage Patch
October 19th (Friday) 2018
Kinda wish I discovered it
sooner, but hey those struggles made me stronger, so I can protect Loran better
October 30th (Tuesday) 2018
. What makes me
continue living every day, despite the growing OCD scrupulosity fears and obsessions, is that Loran is
happy, cute cuddly Loran is happy and that makes me happy, because at least someone in this cruel
disgusting mockery of a world is happy. And I know we will all be happy when we all go to Heaven.
Universalism is true, save me Lord
Journal Entry 429 – Voluntary Withdrawal
November 19th (Monday) 2018
I already have enough
of a burden to carry already I don’t need any more weight on my back. I’m just moving on. Done. But
just know that I won’t be afraid to defend myself and to stand up to people, I won’t let anyone hurt you
Loran. I love you Loran, so much.
And then my mom comes into my room, shouting at me to go to sleep. So I pretend to poo and lock
myself in the washroom with the air conditioner whirring and tap running to drown out her screams.
And I’m on the marble floor, in fetal position, plugging my ears, crying and wanting comfort and
protection. And the only person who has ever is Loran. And after awhile I open my eyes, my vision
blurred and wobbly I stare up at the brightly lit light casting it’s rays down on me on the ground. And I
beg for forgiveness, for salvation, for eternal happiness. These are the times where I wish to kill myself
the most, and those are the things that keep me from finishing what I started.
Journal Entry 438 – Running Heel
November 27th (Wednesday) 2018
I’ve talked about enough here, it’s 7:00 PM, but I’m going to sleep early. I love you Loran, so much. Gosh
it’s been so long since I’ve mentioned you out in the open here, but I’ll keep my hope
Journal Entry 439 – Telegram
November 29th (Thursday) 2018
But I’ve typed enough, and I want to actually sleep early
without waking up 3 hours later, Loran is so soft. I’m not afraid of anything anymore, since all I have to
do in life is wait, God will take care of the rest
Consider this as a temporary physical manifestation of Loren, Loran, Lor_n, whatever. I’ll just say Loran
here because it’s similar to my own. Only discrepancy is that Loran uses a knife
Journal Entry 446 – Political Science
December 5th (Thursday) 2018
Please Loran, I love you.
? Please let me experience those happy things. I want to feel the
happiness from them. I’m tired of these sad feelings. I just want to be happy, forever, to be equally
happy with everyone in Heaven, forever. Loran. Loran I love you, so much. I still can’t believe that after
all that text I’ve written I’m still crying.
So instead of talking to my mom, I’m talking to you, Loran. I’m releasing all my negative emotions
through this Journal Entry. I just want them all kept away somewhere, not even to look at, but just to
bury and keep away so I never experience them ever ever again. Please let me be happy that’s all I want
Journal Entry 447 – Super Smash Bros Universalism
December 7
th (Friday) 2018
Spikes
are annoying though, since they do 127 damage, so they don’t instant kill me and I literally have to wait
in them until my invincibility frames wear off (dang Loran, no wonder you use those so often, their
freaking op,
Journal Entry 453 – Pols Exam
December 13th (Thursday) 2018
. If there is work then I’m killing myself, I guess again in
that case lol. That is why we’ll be able to do whatever we want.
I will be happy I will be happy I will be happy I will be happy I will be happy, I promise you Loran.
Journal Entry 460 – Tricity
December 20th (Thursday) 2018
I’m writing this on my birthday, no it’s not the 20th, it’s the 19th, I just wrote that last one past midnight.
Though, we’ll still all infinitely equally happy in Heaven forever, I want my life on Earth as
painless as possible. The only issue with defying her is that she might do something to hurt me, though if
the mental illness is affecting her that much, then it would have only been a matter of time until she did
it to me anyways. For her own good, I have to stop it before it gets any worse.
Heh, it’s interesting. I still have my Yiruma Piano music playing from when I wanted to muffle out her
shouting without repeatedly saying “I can’t hear you” or “Stop” over and over again. Though at this
point I’m completely nulled to her antics. I stopped trusting people a long time ago, so whenever
something bad happens to me, I just laugh it off as the entertainment that it is and move on with my
day. Though, if she does seriously hurt me, at least I’ll get sympathy points from the rest of my family.
Also, there would have been no way to avoid it anyways, since you can’t control your destiny in life. So
it’s fine, I don’t expect happiness in this life, I expect it in the next.
Also interesting, she kept on repeating “God will punish you!”, it’s like her catchphrase now since
whenever she gets upset she uses that. With all the communication I’ve been getting, I feel like God is
on my side, and all of our sides, who’ll ultimately not punish us, but rather let us be happy. And I’ll
forgive my mom for her actions too, after all, God forgives me for all the horrible things I’ve done too.
It’s just nice knowing that, no matter what, there’s at least some people who still love me. God and
Loran. Ahhh, I love you Loran, so much.
..
t we’ll continue this relationship
that we’ve built together on Earth, and will be able to have so much fun when we’re in Heaven. I’m
crying, but it’s the joyful kind. I’ve come to love crying, it just feels so good. When I get to Heaven, I’m
looking forward to being able to control my tears. How nice it would be to cry as much as I want
...
And to think this is all happening on my birthday.
Journal Entry 461 – Sans in Smash
December 21st (Friday) 2018
. Of course,
entire time my mom just kept insulting my about my appearance, but at this point I know she’s just
insecure, so it doesn’t hurt. I love you Loran, so much.
Journal Entry 465 – Tim Treats
December 25th (Tuesday) 2018
My dad is the naïve type of person who will randomly trust people only to get taken
advantage of. I don’t want to be like that, so I distance myself, but I still have my cutie cuddly Loran, so
it’s all fine.
Journal Entry 470 – Presentation
Look, it’s late already and tomorrows New Years, so I still want energy for that. I just don’t understand
why I have such a compulsion towards my project. Is it OCD? Divine will? I don’t understand anymore,
and I’m too afraid of what happens if I do
Chapter 1
Nalzon teams up with Blaze, Daniel and Loran to find the 8 orbs
Chapter 4
Some backstory stuff about Nalzon working with Daniel, Izraelle and Loran at a lab
Journal Entry 472 – Switch Child
January 1st (Tuesday) 2019
But for now, I’m just in a state of waiting. Waiting until I can register for U of W courses tomorrow, or
how my mom wants me to see a dermatologist ever since I stopped her obsession with rubbing rubbing
alcohol all over my face. At least she’s gotten less violent about it, before she used to run up to me and
throw alcohol all over my face causing my eyes to sting and hurt really badly. But enough negative,
news, I just want to be happy, and I will be happy along with everyone else, equally infinitely forever.
I love you Loran, so much
Journal Entry 475 – Portal
January 4th (Friday) 2018
w. Life in general is a struggle that we work to get through, and I know that we’ll
get everything we want in Heaven. I’m preferably looking forward to all the Touhou / anime /
videogames / jacuzzi / massage / Loran / cuddles / Super Smash Bros Ultimate / but that’s just my
preferences
Journal Entry 477 – School Tomorrow
January 6th (Sunday) 2019
But I can’t transfer now since people register for the whole year, so most of the U of W classes are filled,
leaving only. I can’t take it. I can’t take it. I’m trying to type a deep concise message, but I can’t
concentrate from my mom and sister constantly fighting each other. Sometimes I try to just stay in my
bed and cuddle with cute soft cuddly Loran, but I can’t sleep with all the screaming, though it’s not like I
would have been able to go back to sleep anyways.
I’m looking forward to Heaven to make up for all this suffering, everyone will be equally infinitely happy
forever. Is it just me, or have I been mentioning “since” a lot? Guess it’s just my typing mannerism/tics.
And sometimes I worry that Heaven won’t have the things that make me happy in it, but I remember
that God created everything, so of course all the good stuff (favorite video games / cute 2D anime girls /
etc) will be there. Super Smash Bros Universalism of course.
But hey, I’ve already gone over my mental 300 word count, so I can stop here. Next time you’ll see me,
I’ll be back again at school. Oh yeah, and to finish my last thought, I’m still going to the U of M since a lot
of courses are filled up already at the U of W. Hey Google, remind me to sign up for summer classes at
the U of W when the last week of February comes. See ya!