Post Entry 1 - Therapist

January 17th (Monday) 2018

I’m worried about seeing a therapist because they will conflict with my own beliefs, you know the ones, conditional immortality, faith alone, osas, etc. I’m worried that it will just trigger and hurt me even more.

I’ve been hurt by so much people, those who I called my friends just betrayed me in the end.

•             Friends at school for

•             My mom for not believing in faith alone.

•             My dad for believing in eternal hellfire, freaking out, yelling at me.

I have no friends, now that I think about it. The most kind, thoughtful person I’ve ever met is God. I can hug him and and get comfort from him without feeling shameful for thinking these thoughts… I can go up to him and talk about these things without getting yelled at, or argued at, or ignored by. Out of all the people I have ever met, He’s the only person who truly cares. I’m crying right now.

I can’t live like this. I can’t live avoiding religion anymore. No matter what I do, the thoughts will be there. I need to learn to control them.

I’ve read their CBT (Cognitive-behavioural therapy) and it should work. It helped severe people, so it should help me too.

I want to move past this, it’s what the Lord wants to me. I’ve prayed to Him and asked Him for help, this is His help. I just have to do my part and accept it. (I’m already saved forever).

I’m worried that they will ostracize me and combat my beliefs when I tell them that I’m worried I’m not saved and that I’ll lose salvation or if it’s not from faith alone. Should I get a Christian one? Because if I do, they’ll most likely have beliefs in eternal hellfire.

Won’t it get worse?

Won’t it be more painful?

Won’t it be more severe?

Do I really want to afflict myself with that?

Or am I going to trust the Lord (not salvation related cuz already saved) and do this.

[Lam. 3:31, 32 "The Lord will NOT cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies."]