The whole world will be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ. Have faith in the Lord all people will!
Heb. 8:11 "ALL shall know the Lord, from the least of them to the greatest of them."
Journal Entry 97 – Teach Y
December 21st (Thursday) 2017
Oh my….
I saw this one article online about meditation and seriously doubted it, but I tried it and… man it works. I was so confused, wondering how in the world I was supposed to not think about anything, I mean we think about stuff all the time do we not, but I decided that my thought would be on my breathing. At first, this terrified me because I was always worried about my breathing, always worried that it will become irregular again and that I will go into a season with a difficulty of breathing. But it didn’t happen.
When I focused on my breathing, I imagine every part of the breathing, not just the breath coming in and out. I imagined the blood of the breath rushing through my whole body. My shoulders raising and lowering from the breaths. My stomach pushing in with the sound of my nostrils, and then pushing down with the that elongated sound of the breath brushing past the top part of my lips and into the air to be free once more from a stressful day at work.
In my eyes, I saw darkness. I didn’t even feel stressed over the fact that I had to use up energy to keep my eyes closed or that I didn’t even have a type of eye-coverer to close my eyes, it just felt so natural. And in my eyes of darkness, while at first I was getting bored; feeling about 3 groups of urges to check the time, I didn’t.
“What if the volume isn’t on?”
“What if you never started it to begin with?”
“What if the wi-fi ran out?”
“What if one of your family members goes into your room and scares you or calls you a religious freak for being too religious?”
“What if I’m wasting precious time that I could be using for relaxing?”
“… and I’ll be stuck here forever!”
It worried me, but then I decided not to cling to these thoughts. I pushed them away, literally. I visualized the preview videos like on a Youtube recommendeds list coming up and going into my field of vision, but then gracefully pushing back and it swang away; like pushing someone on a swing set. Sure, they would come back, but then I’d see them for what they are, childish. The more I pushed, the less they would come back. The less they would come back, the less I would have to push myself to think even of this own thought.
Though, it’s interesting to see my mind flow through all of these possibilities. I literally felt the armpit deodorant rub liquid cooling down my armpit and the tiny burning sensation of it all over my armpit hair. So much so that I had to wipe my armpit 2 times that time.
But then, I don’t know at what time, but at near the end it happened. My eyes started to visualize this sort of gradient bubble of black and white. The white would flow and push this black aura into the center and then come out, but strangely would not symmetrize the pattern and instead flash a little bit. This, of course, became less and less and I felt a light blue, too light to by cyan. Like the new blue laser color in Undertale but a small bit lighter around the box of my vision. Despite me having two eyes, this one circle felt like I had one and this blue gradient that mixed with the blue and blurred more than those 2 other shades started converging more and more towards the center.
What was this feeling? I asked myself. It felt like my head was being lifted up, but not because I was straightening my back, it was like something just ceased my whole brain and that just that part was being abducted but stopped because it was all in my head. The black and the white began to become less and less and slowly turning more and showing that they were both shades of grew, two sides of the same coin.
It was wonderful, and at this point I was hoping that it would never end. I was hypersensitive to everything, my thoughts, my body (body colone liquid, breathe cycle) but yet not affected to it. I imagined going to Heaven, going to Hell, doubts about salvation and whether they would come back, yet I was not afraid of them. For some reason, as if an automatic reaction by my own body, they were shrugged off. Maybe these thoughts were underneath my subconscious all of this time, and it’s only now that I revealed them and moved them from the depths of my thoughts into the open air. The wonders of breath and of open air.
I noticed my breathing entirely, yet I didn’t worry about it.
I thought about theology completely, yet I was not anxious of it.
I convulsed around struggles of sleeping and the existence of insomnia (whether I would be able to sleep or not or think of a positive scenario to it or not) yet I did not lose sleep because of it.
Was that the beauty and piece of being dead? It was like I was in Heaven, yet not a spirit, but having a corporal body. It was wonderful. It’s as though the whole stress of my body was simply a dial to at TV or computer that I had to turn down and lower because it was too loud and hurting, not just my ears like a typical one, but my whole body because of it’s sound wave vibrations.
Speaking of which, it was at this point that the alarm of the Google webpage went off. I was surprised and, I know this may seem cliché to some of you (if this whole thing hasn’t sounded cliché enough already), it didn’t even feel like 5 minutes. When it first started, I could sense that 15 seconds or 30 seconds or around a minute (that felt like an hour) had passed, but when I got into that state and was entering the light blue state that I mentioned above, it all went so quickly.
But when I got to that stage, I noticed nothing, as if I was one with the whole universe. That I had mastered every sense and all of this was just me and in the end everything was just me. All these people, places, personas were just myself and I. I didn’t really think of it like that per say, that’s just me relating this experience to the stereotypical Hindu or Buddhist or any other Eastern Religion and Spirituality (like Shintoism, but maybe that’s just Japanese Spirits. Or Chinse). It’s beyond my mind’s comprehension right now, and anything more to say would not do this situation justice. It was timed and short and even after waiting a bit once the timer though, feeling my way through they keys to find the dial to turn the volume down, the feeling went away. I’m back at my regular feeling, but my eyes feel slightly blurrier and softer and I feel slightly more relaxed, dare I say more than the 2 giant cups of camomile tea that I had, but I know that they helped in their own way as well.
Wow, 1400 words already?
https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&hl=en-US&q=timer%205%20minutes
https://www.bustle.com/articles/14837-6-ways-to-reduce-your-anxiety-no-matter-how-worried-you-feel
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
https://www.gaiam.com/blogs/discover/meditation-101-techniques-benefits-and-a-beginner-s-how-to
https://www.gaiam.com/collections/meditation-accessories/products/05-62268
https://www.gaiam.com/collections/meditation-accessories/products/05-62270
Maybe I feel like an old soul right now because I’m looking into old things like tea and meditation and seeing people of the old as having to be intuitive to survive the harshness of the world back then.
Update
You know what’s the best part about drinking hot tea