Christ Jesus will save the entire world guaranteed. Believe in Him and you will be saved, permanently. All will be!

2 Cor. 5:14 "Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for ALL, and therefore all died."


Journal Entry 93 – Tackle Tool

December 17th (Sunday) 2017

today I relax.

While eating breakfast, I prepared some camomile tea which is apparently supposed to help you relax more that my mom bought to help me reduce my anxiety. While I didnft feel anything then, the more I believe it works, the greater itfs working, like a placebo of sorts. Though, whatfs been the greatest reduction of my stress is combatting this OCD scrupulosity and not thinking about the fears of Christianity despite faced with them.

Do you know how badly I want to search upc

Ø  Doubts about salvation

Ø  Christianity causing stress

Ø  Christian anxiety relief

Ø  Hell is not eternal torment

Ø  Evangelical fundamentalist Christianity sucks

Ø  Faith alone saves

Ø  Christian relaxation technique

Ø  How to meditate as a Christian

Ø  Etc etc etc

Itfs tough, but I know if I search it up, Ifll succumb to my obsessions and it will be even tougher. I just want to be happy, and that can only be achieved by resisting the urges of Christianity. Christianity is not bad, itfs just that my OCD has made it out to be bad.

When telling my mom that the tea wasnft really working that well, she told me that I had to believe in it.

And why should I? Who cares if I donft get any rewards in Heaven, how could I have possibly known how to obtain them if God wasnft more clear on it? Ifd rather not risk using these high-pressure evangelism techniques, because they can do more harm then good. Itfs not worth the risk, besides, why should I trust the Internet? Has it comforted me when I doubted myself, did it help massage my feet when I couldnft sleep at night, or answered me clearly when I had a question about stuff. No, it just showed other peoplefs opinions.

The Internet was like talking to a bipolar person. Theyfd say one thing and Ifd agree with it, but then theyfd show another thing and cause me stress because itfs pushing that thing just the same as the other thing.

Thatfs one of the problems with treating the Internet as a monolith, as just one whole thing, itfs not. Itfs just another way, like literature or music or projects, to express a personfs own personal opinion. It doesnft matter how much a person shows dedication to that cause, as sincerity only puts them at the ends of the spectrum. There either sincerely right or sincerely wrong. And I rather not gamble my life on something so subjective and supernatural. Ifd rather stay in the middle and live an average life, just loving people, because really thatfs the only sure fire thing that, no matter what religion it is, will earn you at least something. Yeah, I could do something specific like convert people and earn great rewards if Ifm right, but if Ifm wrong, then it would have been better if I had never done it in the first place, considering something worse will definitely fall on me. So really, love is the only option.

And itfs no wonder why so many people talk about love, secular and non-secular. Itfs the only thing thatfs truly worthwhile to do. I donft mean saying a personfs actions is sinful or non sinful, Ifm just talking about loving a person whether you see people as inherently sinful or not. Because thatfs the only thing that would help in the end.

But who cares about the end, Ifm still alive now. Itfs only worthwhile to look into religion when youfre older, like my mom says. Ifm in the present, not in the end, so Ifll enjoy the happiness I have right now. This community, itfs wonderful. And Ifm not going to risk killing myself over this religious depression and insanity just for a tiny bit of rewards. Tiny bit of rewards extra? Yeah, like what, Jesus gives me a high-five or something? Oh wow Ifm missing so much.

But for now, philosophy and subjective world view aside letfs talk about some fun exposition shall we?


True Exposition

Just realized I got carried away, so Ifll do the truth exposition.

Sure, I may have wasted about 40 minutes taking out Bible stuff, but it puts me at peace a little bit, that itfs all over. No more Bible channel subscriptions, or liking Christian videos or evangelism in comments section. Ok, itfs over.

Itfs not worth it. I donft care about rewards in Heaven for witnessing stressfully, I just donft. Who cares. Stop.

This is what Jesus meant when He said that few should become teachers, you canft be a good teacher if youfre making videos online. Screw it all, Ifm done. Ifm done. Itfs over now.


I miss the times where I could live with ignorance of all this controversyc

Ifm coming back to those times soon, as knowing I am saved, I donft need to go back to this. For good.


Ifm giving myself a dedicated time to study, not playing with the torment of having work looming over me.

Ifm finishing this now.

Because, if I can survive the living hell of fundamentalism. The sheer terror of existentialism.

Surely, I can survive this. Because I have survived that which is out of existence and that which is out of living proportions, I can survive this. Because now Ifm alive, I donft want to kill myself, therefs so much to live for. This is the life that Ifve always wanted, not out of life, but right here.


Itfs been here this whole time hasnft it?


Guess when wefre looking to the future, wefre blinded from the present.

Because the present is the present of God, life now and life forever more.


Ifm saved

And Ifm ok.


I will be hap-




I am happy.