· Rev. 15:4 "ALL nations shall come and worship You, for your judgments have been made manifested."
Journal Entry 91 – Donft Take for Granted
December 15th (Friday) 2017
Ahh, I donft care if Ifm started this late at 4:50 PM, I donft care, I just feel so relaxed.
My skin feels so soft and my head feels so light.
Thatfs the benefits of having a hot shower, wooohh, and to think it only took around 2 weeks of daily showering to get to it.
In fact, I find hot showers more motivating because they give me something to look forward to, but I can see how someone can like cold showers for just the same reason. Ifm not gonna stress about this, you do you pal.
Though, speaking of stress, Ifve been noticing some thingsc
Ø Ok, before that, these arrow things are sick, theyfve got to be my favorite bullet point design, since the other original one, while great it too plain. This one is a mix of detailed and plain and memorable yo.
Ø Facial tics that are making Vaseline have hard effect drying my mouth.
Ø Wanting to curl up my toes on the bus in my boots because it feels weird having it open, like a needle is going to be shoved under the nail of it and into the skin.
Ø Sometimes pressing my fingers down on empty parts of the keyboard (where they arenft any keys), just because it feels weird having them in the air just barely touching something just hovering there.
Ø Flossing too much and having blood, it hurts but it feels relieving at the same time. Hope itfs not alternative to cutting myself on wrists (though I wouldnft know, considering Ifve never done that before).
Ø Pencil lead on led pen, pushing it top part to make led moveable and making sure not a tiny bit of led is sticking out.
Ø Hoping I donft suffocate in a locked room without an openings (claustrophobia)
Ø Hoping that this Bible blog absence is a good thing (it is)
Ø Hoping that I can get that inosenol or some other OCD curing medication (since Ifve already got the therapy, behavioural technique down)
On that last note, kinda funny how I used to fear using medications, now I use them because itfs not my fault for being born this way, where I may have a chemical imbalance in my brain or something.
What cheers me up is this great truth.
Satan is wasting his time attacking me.
Ifm not saved? I believe in Jesus, He promised to save anyone who believed, Ifm saved.
Ifm not evangelizing? I do through relaxing, by showing kindness to others. Asking somewhere about their death is not very kind.
Cheers me up that hefs wasting his energy on me, since I feel so wonderful right now.
My motivation in life is to work hard to get a lot of money to buy many pleasures in life. Because, as Ecclesiastes says, therefs nothing better to do then to take pleasure from the labors of life.
I actually wrote most of exposition on separate peace of written paper, so Ifll just summarize here. Plus, mentioning those stuff kinda triggered me, so Ifm cutting this short.
I will get through this OCD, next semester Ifll be diagnosed, and Ifll be happy. All of these slight things are slight annoyances, like facial tics, touching things repeatedly, thinking certain things, but their dwindled down by my behaviour technique. Not going to the compulsion, and facing the fear obsession.
So I just need the medications and it will be all good.
I feel the innocent joy I had when I wasnft saved, now with the peace of being saved. Truly, God is wonderful.
Thank you Lord, for blessing me so. Amen.
I feel so tempted to search up the evangelism and salvation stuff now that I think about it.
So I wonft think about it.
Not evangelism, but lov. Pasted whole article here, but NO, posting article. It literally just says that as a Christian you should follow the greatest commandments love God, and love yur neighbor as yourself.
Ifm tired of being labelled a religious freak from my mom. Ifve stopped, when will it go away. No, it will go away, this suffering, her suffering, our suffering is not in vain. Never was and never will be.