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Titus 2:11 "The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to ALL MEN."

 

Journal Entry 86 – Pass On

December 10^th (Sunday) 2017

“This too shall pass” –

Acts 2:21, And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.[1]

Joel 2:32, And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the Lord hath said, and in the remnant whom the Lord shall call.

You know what I like about the Bible, it quotes itself. Think about that for a second, what kind of book quotes itself? Yes, while some books do have reoccurring themes such as the main character having a sweet tooth or certain terminology, but never do they repeat things from such an early section from the book.

Because of the sheer vast history of this book, the people here know what the old quotes are and often quote it. It’s kinda like watching an older fandom react to themselves being in their own creation. A really cool meta-concept to say the least.

You thought that verse would just pass by as some meaningless words? Well, you’ve got another thing coming.

What makes me hopeful, is that, despite what may come next, it shall pass. Despite this plague of doubts that haunts me every day, making even ordinary and relaxing things such as typing journal entries, playing videogames, watching anime, and talking to other people such a difficult thing; it shall pass. And the more things that do come to pass, the more hope and assurance I obtain that the things of the next day shall come to pass, as they had every other day prior. As the days pass and seasons change, so do our mood. Our sin situation is chronic, like depression, so it never really goes away. Some days we could be feeling all the holiness and assurance of salvation in the world, yet other days we could be so low that we want to kill ourselves and just get things over with.

But stay confident. Because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and the more you combat this pain, the less you will have headaches and faint. Your faith will always grow and the Lord will give you a stronger faith than the one that you have right now, that will not come to pass.

Always remember, the joy in Heaven, it shall not come to pass. Your tears will always be wiped, your comfort will always be their and you’ll be able to breathe properly; without a care in the world. Because you already have all the care in the world, the care of God. Amen.

…

I’m not going to worry myself and obsess over Bible blogs. Because this obsession, too, shall pass.

…

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about some funny stuff.

https://www.ucg.org/bible-study-tools/booklets/heaven-and-hell-what-does-the-bible-really-teach/are-some-tortured

impressed by my bible knowledge,

Yet I’m so alone and lonely, I can’t trust anyone.

I had a friend once,. Now I stay anonymous.

I used to have friends, until all of them would keep on talking to me with meaningless things. They never cared about my interests, only themselves. They were failing in school and I would dare not let myself be dragged down, so I abandoned them, not wasting my time talking with them anymore. Now I stay alone.

I used to go online and read sites like GotQuestions, David J. Stewart, Carm.org, The Wintery Knight, Robert Breaker, but then they would force me to evangelize all the time, not caring about protecting their life at all costs. They have such a low view of life that for them, death is not enough, they want eternal torment. [Everyone will go to Heaven] They view the best thing about life is death. Their favorite part of life is the lack thereof. Therefore, I don’t read Bible blogs online.

I used to go to Church, but they would take away my time to work. They were all so shallow, and I was burnt out from my previous experiences with the rush of evangelism. Now I stay inside.

I’ve been through so much peer pressure, they all want me to live their lives, but my life is not there’s. I’ve been through so much that I don’t care what they say about me, I just want to be happy.

That’s all I want.

Is that too much to ask for? Just to not be taken advantage of for my generosity and to just live a comfortable life, just waiting for Jesus to return.

Because I want to work out of the love of life, my life should be filled with love, because Jesus judges us on love.

I hate this so much.

But not the people, but what they do. While their actions speak much about their character, I will not hate their character, as it is the Lord who created them. And to hate their character is to hate their creation. And to hate their creation is to hate the Lord, something I dare not do and cringe at even speaking of.

…

I just want someone to talk to. Anyone.

Is anyone there? I’ve been so abused. I just want to be cuddled with and be comforted with and feel love. I just want to hug someone and be reassured about all my worries and doubts in life. About salvation, hell, God’s love, evangelism, relaxation.

Is this what a Christian is supposed to feel like?

Because I hope this is not what the whole Christian life is characterized as.

…

It’s already 8:14 PM

And I haven’t relaxed one bit, only being able to watch literally 1 episode.

I want to watch so much more, but then will that be binge watching? Will I not be able to sleep? Will I have to suffer through depression and insomnia and anxiety once more?

Woe to my miserable existence. I would even much prefer to feel nothing than this something, because whenever there’s a something; it’s painful.

There’s too much at stake here. I swear to you that I will most definitely NOT BE PEER PRESSURED BY LIFE’S EQUIVALENT OF SCHOOLYARD BULLIES!!!! I’VE BEEN BULLIED ENOUGH IN MY CHILDHOOD!!!!! ENOGUH IS ENOUGH YOU !!!!!!!!

…

…

Because that just means I can vent here.

And my suffering will be given meaning.

And you’ll see the personal side.

Every detail (of course not personal information that can find my identity).

Because I want this to relate to you as much as possible, so that if.

If someone like me is suffering this same thing right now, it’s highly possible.

I found great joy in reading blogs that related to doubts such as 412teens, hellknow, some of David J. Stewarts doubt blogs, christianityandocd, etc. So I hope this can bring you joy.

What those sites fail at is that they aren’t deep, they aren’t emotional, they aren’t completely honest.

…

I want to succeed where they failed.

So that you can succeed where I failed.

And maybe you’ll live a happier life than me. Or not.

I hope you can just relax and be happy.

Because if you are reading this and understand what I’m going through.

Without lying, I can honestly call you a friend.

Though, the standard is quite low. Ok, I’ll cut it out.

It’s quiet and I need to make the most of this time. So I’m cutting the poem style out right now.

I’ll see you later, I won’t kill myself, I will live because I am saved, because even when I’m dead I’ll still have to wait. Christ’s blood is precious, it gives us life, therefore life is precious. Life is to be desired. Things will get better. I promise to you and myself.

I will not work so hard out of fear that I will not sleep because I was relaxed today. I will just continue to be awake or just cuddle my soft blessing of a blanket even more. Every second, I will get through it.

At least I do that…

CENSOR

So I have nothing to worry about. I’m getting used to those comments saying it could be worse

I don’t need to worry about sleeping, I’ll just sleep. It’s my only hope and will help me go through life.

I spend half of my day worrying about the other half.

Thought I was anxious because of computer. Nahhhhhh, just this household lol. I’ll go to a therapist, do all of this advanced stuff when I have a job, I just need to grow stronger through this trial. I will be happy when I die, I will be happy. Ahhh, imagine actual anime in real life. Instead of watching, going on actual adventures with actual friends. Beautiful, and it will happen to me, because the Lord has promised to save everyone who believes in His name alone, Jesus Christ. I believed, thus I am saved. I’m excited for that day, but until then, I remain here. Amen. [And thus, everyone will believe in Jesus Christ and be saved]