Jesus Christ, saviour of all people. All persons in the world will have faith in Christ and be saved, everybody rejoice!
Psalm 65:2-4 "0 You Who hear prayer, to you ALL flesh will come. Iniquities prevail against me; as for our transgressions, you will provide atonement for them."
Journal Entry 73 – Enough is Not
November 27th (Monday) 2017
Ok, I can tell that what I’m about to say…
Just talked with my mom and she told me not to get to involved in church. If it were any other day, I would have fiercely debated her. But now, now I won’t. Ever since I was saved I’ve been getting stressed over Jesus that it’s taken a toll on my own mental health. Jesus has not given me 10 talents, he’s given me 1, technology. That’s it, that’s all he’s given me. While it’s sad not to earn more rewards in Heaven, I don’t care anymore. I’ve just been so struck with guilt and anxiety and worry that I’m wasting precious seconds not “saving” someone that I can’t take it anymore.
Call me a tare in the wheat, a backslidden believer, a carnal Christian, I can’t take this religious stuff anymore. Of course, I’m not disowning my faith, that would be stupid, I’m still saved by faith alone in Jesus Christ, once saved always saved. I’m just not going to go so intense over it. [I still worship Christ, but I make sure not to get stressed about it]
http://www.therecapitulator.com/i-once-heard-a-preacher-say-you-need-to-stop-trying-to-please-god/
Some people are going to say “Song, you need to motivate people” well I don’t care about my PR. I’m saying it and I’ll say it again if I have to, please. I beg you, don’t try to please God. Look where it ended up for me. I’m depressed, OCD, wounded and scarred over the horrors that is Christianity of today. Jesus Christ, He’s all good. His fanclub? Oh boy, don’t even get me started. I’m tired of this and I know you are too. [Tired as in, tired of fundamentalists spreading hate and ruining Christianity for other people] Only took 6 months to make me realize this, though I’m lucky that I got this easy. Someone raised in a church environment would have had a much harder time and much more suffering trying to get out of their own environment.
I told my mom everything. I told her that I’m obsessing over evangelism and that my church is telling me that “if you don’t tell them about your buddy Jesus Christ then they’ll die and it will al be your fault”. They pressure me, make me feel guilty for not meeting up to the “conversion quota”.
Pretentious Christian: Oh look at me, look how much doors I’ve knocked on and streets I’ve preached on and tracts I’ve laid about and yadda yadda yadda.
you go out their and win souls, the more you suffer the more you gain!
Do you want me to knock on the door of a stranger, risking my life to get stabbed or blown my brains out with a shotgun just to give them a tiny little track and explain to them one of the most overused copypastas in the history of humanity ever? [That is, I am against people always copy and pasting about Eternal Concious Torment, which is a false doctrine! Hell will be empty, everyone will go to Heaven. All will have faith alone in Christ and be saved!]
Do you really want me to go preach on the corner of a street and shout in a megaphone at layman walking by about how they need to “repent and believe in Jesus” or how they’ll “burn in hell forever” and how it’s such a “good news”.
[Future Song here. To explain this part, Hell is not forever, that’s what I’m against. Hell is temporary mental anguish. The false doctrine of forever hell is evil, it’s wrong, it damages people, and scares so many from Christianity]
[Repentance when it means turning from sins is not needed for salvation. It’s faith alone. Turning from sins is a good work, good works don’t save, only faith alone in Jesus Christ!]
Do you really want me to willing kill myself by doing all of this “<Insert Biblical Quote Here> Evangelism / Soulwinning / Witnessing / Waterpolo-ing” only
(My mom actually told me that she did all of that stuff, from a young age, and that it was absolutely horrible. Her parents would call her bad because she didn’t want to go to Church, calling her all the names that I’m bound to be called when people see this Journal Entry).
(Some Christian work himself up so hard because he actually wants to have a heartattack and kill himself because he is saved no matter what. It’s why Christians fly against the face of reasoning, there going to ie no matter what, lamb food fro the wolves).
[Christ tells us to care for each other friend. Don’t work yourself to stress! God wants us to be happy, not just saving all that happiness up for Heaven, but also being able to survive on Earth here too!]
No wonder my mom never got me to get to this church despite all of the invitations from the past. I wanted deep theology, and now I’ve got it. This was really just a Christian phase for me, which I’m fine with. I’m just glad I can move past this situation, stop worrying about trying to please God, and instead just let me be me. I am going to rest. Just pray, you don’t even need to go to a local church, just go online if you really want to.
No wonder my dad just goes to his regular church, this one is too intense, even for my standards. Don’t worry, I’m still going to make a website go online evangelizing, just if I have time. I’m going to focus on taking care of myself, the first thing God wants for me. Because it doesn’t matter what we do if we don’t have love for it. And right now, I hate stressful evangelism, so I’m taking a break from it. In fact, I will actively fly against it. [That is, go against the stress of evangelism and just relax, do it at my own pace, with love, gentleness and kindness, as the Lord promotes]
My mom told me that the reason why my church is so intense is because they need to keep PR. Why else do you think that big businesses have all of these committee meetings? Because, believe it or not, telling someone to “do your best” actually works! At least there you get some actual gain, Christianity all you get if you work hard is your reward in Heaven [We will all be happy no matter what, we will all equally receive the same reward]
Wow, I’m just having loads of fun taking shots at these churches. Now, don’t twist or misinterpret or wrongly divide what I’m saying, I don’t hate the Bible. I still believe it. Heck, even all of these crazy churches make me believe it even more, because for every truths, theres some lunatics who go around and mess it up. Think astronomy before astrology, alchemy before chemistry,
Aahhhh, but it’s sorelieving to finally get out of this church thing. No, I’m not a tare-able tear of tare. Not a backsliding beellywoggling moondigging scally wag either. I’m just not going to take Christianity as a long to do list of things to do, but instead take it as an experience and a way to relax. God created a life full of pleasures didn’t He? If He did, then why would He tell us to spend every precious second out their “winning souls” if He made a life full of pleasures. When soulwinning isn’t pleasurable, shouldn’t we just do what life was made for and enjoy it’s pleasures. [That is, evangelize people when the opportunity comes, don’t force it from rudeness, but allow it to come through kindness] I’m already saved, and God will use me when He will. If you find joy in soulwinning, great ok, you do you. Me personally, I’m a lesser vessel, I’m a man with 1 talent not 10. God doesn’t expect much of me, in fact I’m most just a filler statistic so that the other people who God really glorifies well and really places on a pedestal can look better compared to all of us average joes. I’m fine being an average joe
I went through with that suffering and now I’m through with suffering.
1: You’re wrong because the Bible says so!
2: No the Bible clearly says here that you’re wrong!
1: Well, you’re using the wrong Bible translation because my Bible translation says that it’s the right one.
2: Well, you’re using the wrong Bible translation because MMYYYY Bible translation says that it’s the right one.
Greek: Well you’re BOOOTTTTHHH wrong! Here’s the original Greek translation.
Hebrew: Well hold on just a second there buddy boi
(After I said the Greek thing, my mom said the funny statement “And then the Greek started his own church because he believed his bible to the only right one”)
Also, here’s my worry catalogue of all the crazy stuff I searched up on my phone. Experience journey, helpful if you struggle like me. Just putting here so none to waste. See yaaaaa……
I was shown that above link yesterday, but it’s only now that I truly understand it. God, of course, sent me that message, so it doesn’t mean that Christianity isn’t a total brainwashing scheme, just certain… parts of it *cough* *cough* fundamentalism
“Here I am, a fifty-one year old college professor, still smarting from the wounds inflicted by the righteous when I was a child. It is a slow, festering wound, one that smarts every day—in some way or another…. I thought I would leave all of that “God loves… God hates…” stuff behind, but not so. Such deep and confusing fear is not easily forgotten. It pops up in my perfectionism, my melancholy mood, the years of being obsessed with finding the assurance of personal salvation.”
Now I personally feel sorry for my mom. She’s around that age now and just got a headache talking about all this Bible stuff. In fact, that time where I was going crazy with the Bible, she just started crying while in my bed… Of course, crazy me thought it was just the Holy Spirit working through her. It was, but not that immeditaly, she’s still a work in progress, like we all are, except for me it’s just rewards in Heaven (which I don’t care much for at this point, I’ll be forever happy no matter what rewards I get), but for her it’s whether she’s eternally happy or not. [She will be happy, all people will be saved by Christ Jesus, amen.]
Needless to say, I’m glad my constant daily prayers have been answered. The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways, never though he’d work through my suffering.
I just hope that it’s though, ok? NO more. My mom tries to motivate me with “Once your done your work, you can truly relax in life” I used to not find that motivating because I thought and felt pressured to use up all of my freetime trying to “win souls” for Jesus. Now, I know I can actually enjoy that time. Escape this religious trauma, this legalism of no love. I was a child, so I was easily susceptible about this. I got saved, and God pulled me out right after, don’t wanna overstay my welcome for too long lol. I will, I WILL, be able to finally relax and enjoy my life.
https://coffeetheologyleigh.blogspot.ca/2015/08/turn-or-burn-ocd-and-evangelism.html
http://ocdandchristianity.com/?p=612
Even if you follow all of the rules at your job, you may still experience persecution for sharing your faith.
Christians risk their job security when sharing their faith. As our culture spirals down morally, persecution is becoming more and more frequent. If Jesus was slandered and mistreated, as his followers we can only expect the same. In the end bigger prizes are at stake than our jobs. Lost souls need to hear about God’s salvation in Christ. Sharing the message of the gospel with non-believers should weigh heavier on our hearts than the possibility of losing our jobs. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be respectful and use discretion when evangelizing on job, but under extreme circumstances you can still lose your job even if you’re doing everything right. Jesus promises to bless those who are persecuted for his name’s sake. So if or when it does happen, be encouraged because God is going to provide for you and defend you.
I get this whole “pep rally” thing you’re doing here, but cut it out, it’s just pr backwards for. Lose my job? Boi, check dis verse out.
1 Timothy 5:8, But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
http://www.therecapitulator.com/i-once-heard-a-preacher-say-you-need-to-stop-trying-to-please-god/
God has to remove the veil from their eyes. Unless He does, it will never be removed. He may use a human instrument to do so, whether a preacher or someone witnessing one on one. Ultimately, it is Christ working. The instrument is only the means of removing the blindness. It is not the power by which the blindness is removed. The power belongs to Him.
Nice
http://www.lifeway.com/Article/great-commission-worship-witness-evangelism
For example, many Christians' idea of worship is limited to an emotional high on Sunday mornings, yet during the week they ignore Jesus' mandate to go and make disciples of all nations (see Matt. 28:19). At the same time, many Christians feel pressure to try and "bring people to Jesus." However, without grounding their efforts in genuine worship, they win converts but fail to make disciples who are true worshipers.
https://www.christianpost.com/news/online-evangelism-ministry-reaches-687000-in-one-day-48803/
http://www.christianweek.org/online-evangelism-ministry-reaches-7-million-worldwide/
http://ocdandchristianity.com/?page_id=129
In addition to that, however, research indicates strong ties between OCD and other common anxiety disorders such as panic disorder and agoraphobia. These ties include their response to similar treatments and shared occurence among family members.
http://ocdandchristianity.com/?p=291
http://ocdandchristianity.com/?p=608
Matt did ask a few trusted friends, as well as the pastor of his church, about the idea of becoming a street preacher. They all thought it was not a true calling. Here is a critical rule for OCDers: We must base our behavior in the areas where our obsessions strike on that of responsible, non-OCD individuals. We must recognize our own lack of judgment and rely on others as role models. This was helpful for Matt; but, ever-the-OCDer, he was not finished. “How do they know for sure that it’s not the Holy Spirit?” This brings up the topic of ‘discernment of spirits’ which is next month’s blog entry.
https://barntsinthebelfry.wordpress.com/2015/05/30/stress-free-evangelism/
https://thedisciplemaker.org/how-to-evangelize-stress-free/
http://thegospelblog.com/why-street-preachers-make-me-sick/
http://christianvisualmedia.com/pdf/being-jesus-online.pdf
In summary, we see that Scripture commands us to evangelize, but does not specify the method (e.g., one on one, street preaching, etc.), other than that the gospel is preached. Therefore, while there is nothing wrong with street evangelism, if you do not feel the Lord has called you to this method of evangelism, Scripture does not require you to do this. Of course, if you believe the Lord has called you to street evangelism, you should do it. We encourage people to ask God to give you the courage to be obedient to His calling, whether that be evangelizing on the streets or in some other way. The Lord delights to answer prayers that are according to His will (James 1:5-8).
http://www.beliefnet.com/wellness/health/15-ways-to-stop-obsessing.aspx?p=5
Give it Back to God
The last step is surrender, as usual. “Okay, God, I give up! Take the bloody obsession from me!” That’s how I usually phrase it. It’s acknowledging that the last 14 steps haven’t gotten me where I need to be, and so I don’t know what else to do but give my ruminating mind to God and let him deal with it. Obsessions are almost always rooted in our attachments. So if we can think of them as borrowed from God—that God alone is the owner of this thing about which we are obsessing--we tend to become less greedy and possessive with our gifts, material and otherwise. In this way, we are mere stewards of whatever God has graciously given us.
Alas, that obsession-journal story brings me to another tool: humor. As I wrote in 9 Ways Humor Heals laughter can make almost any situation tolerable. And you have to admit, there is something a little funny about a broken record in your brain. If I couldn’t laugh at my depression and anxiety and severe ruminations, I would truly go insane. I mean, even more insane than I already am. And that’s pretty darn insane. I have a few people in my life who struggle with obsessions in the same way I do. Whenever it gets so noisy in my brain that I can’t stand it, I call up one of them and say, “They’re baaaaaack…….” And we laugh.