Jesus Christ will save the whole universe. Universal salvation is true! Have faith in Christ, saviour of the universe!
Rev. 15:4 "ALL nations shall come and worship You, for your judgments have been made manifested."
Journal Entry 71 – Waiting on
November 25th (Friday) 2017
Ok, for a second there I was worried. Ok, scratch that, my whole existence up to this point is nothing but worrying. Worrying why itfs so annoying to press keys on my keyboard. Why my mouse wheel keeps on sticking. Why I have to wait until this incompetent doctor comes back so I can get a referrel this time to go to a specialist gthis time wefll insisth. I actually have a good strategy for that hear me out.
Song: Please, we need this referrel.
Doc: If you donft trust me with my diagnosis, you wonft trust a specialist with theyfre diagnosis.
Song: I trust you with your diagnosis, thatfs why I need your referrel.
*Surprised looked in the doctors eyes*
Song: I trust you when you say that I have anxiety. I trust you when you say that I am tense. I trust you when you say that this is all inside my head.
Song: I know that, but my mind doesnft. It needs proofc
Gary: And going to this specialist might be the only proof that can work on it.
Song: But donft trust me, donft trust yourself. Trust in the me that trusts you.
Ok, anyways, why my elevation of worry was slightly increased for a second was that I was worried I would have to spend so much time typing on my journal entry tomorrow when I couldnft do stuff today. Luckily, itfs 1:00 AM tomorrow (which is today), so Ifm all good in typing this no lying like my beginnings how I would make stuff in advance lol.
Church, went there to play games.
First randomly sat at a table to watch people play Clue. Not to this church of course, but to some donation thing or whatnot. Idk, maybe this church qualifies for this donation, though it seems pretty well of when itfs adding a second wing to it).z
I donft respond, because I donft know what to say. Well, I do respond, just not in a way thatfs understood, since I literally for the life of me canft think of something like that right away, I need to pre-plan that stuff lol. (Which is why Ifm so desaturated with humor sometimes, since Ifve seen it all before and see it to get used to it. At the price of being funny, my standards for humor is risen. I see other people laugh more than I do myself, and thatfs including most of the time where I fake it with a quick breathe out of my nostrils, a gpfffttth out of my mouth or a smile, canft roll my eyes either nor whistle).
Btw, lol is literally the only thing that I can use to indicate joy, though I guess I could use the tongue-face ASCII every once in a while :P, at least Word doesnft auto-turn that into an awful emoji (only useful in very rare circumstances btw).
At UNO, she says to rotate and I go to the Clue table
But Song, where does your confident stem from?
For me. I donft care about embarassement or shame or public perception or reputation. Ifve got nothing to lose, Ifve already lost everything. I was born into my own situation with a depressive, pessimistic and melancholic view of the world and nothing that I do is going to change that. So why push it on others, itfs not going to help others. In fact, I find most of my happiness stems from them being happy because of my precense. Itfs why I donft want to kill myself, not for my own happiness, because being alive does not make me happy, but so that other people can be happy. In my mind, I always try to make it my goal to make at least every type of person laugh, and Ifve been able to handle a bunch of different personality types. gamer, social media teen, Asian, black people, muslims, jews, catholics, all of them.
I donft remember the jokes exactly, but they were mostly hyperbole, I donft care about race. :P
Though, Ifm biased towards trusting women more, since my mom mostly took care of me (literally 95%) and my sister is literally one of my only best friends, though the Lord is balancing it out with His Fatherly presence, and finding out the my own father on earth is the only one that got it doctrinally correct (since he was resting in the eternal security of knowing that you are saved by faith alone in Jesus Christ. Itfs literally everything Ifve ever wanted in a person!) [Faith alone saves and Jesus will save everyone]
Introverts donft want to be alone, they want true community. Not fake small talk at games (though they serve a purpose, evangelism servanthood, and good socialising), but true comforting talk. My mom doesnft have that with me, because she doesnft like religion being into anything. Therefs just me, and Lord, I donft want to be alone. Though despite how my faith is alone, Ifm never alone. Father, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, you are all with my right now, the Godhead. I thank you all, for helping me come this far, for seeing how I shouldnft kill myself and live another day. My thoughts of love to you, they fuel me not to beat myself up. Because Ifm forgiven, even when I donft forgive myself. Ifm loved, even when I donft love my body image. Ifm trusted in my salvation, even when I doubt it. Because itfs not about me, itfs about you Father. Thank you Lord, so so much. Thank you Father. Amen.
Pastor waiting at church until 10:00
Kinda worried about salvation since I depend on it, though just my personality. Torture to be alive right now, but I will live on. Not for my happiness, or my parentfs happiness or my friendfs happiness, but for the Lordfs happiness. I want rewards in Heaven, even when the Devil is trying. I will persevere because God makes me persevere. Now, time to actually eat and stop browsing random articles (or the same repeated ones) on salvation.
Passover Lamb = Jesus Christ
I am saved, covered by the blood forever and forever avoiding destruction. No matter how much I worry, itfs not about what I do, itfs about what Jesus Christ did. Amen.
Now itfs 12:45, hopefully Church tomorrow isnft too early, see ya. Just hope this whole Harold Samsong stuff wonft be tracked back to me, since I donft want to lose my job. Though, theyfll never have proof. Plus, if thatfs Godfs will in my life, then so be it.