Jesus Christ will save every person in the entire galaxy, the whole universe will be believers in Christ through faith alone.

John 6:33 "The Bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives Life to the WORLD."

 

Journal Entry 56 – Here I am

November 10^th (Friday) 2017

You’re probably wondering why I’m not typing this at my usual time right? (Well I don’t even know if you can see the time that I’m typing this at but whatever). I could spend this time relaxing and going straight into the stuff I enjoy doing, or let myself sulk in the fact that I’ll have to keep on working years. Worrying about a negative outcome won’t change that outcome. It’s your own view on the outcome that makes it positive. [And yes I am still working, but I survive and persist for Christ’s sake]

Psalm 34:8, O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Psalm 27:4, One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.

Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Whenever I’m in my depressive states, I for some reason feel deeply poetic and careful with my words. Of course, one should be careful with their words all the time, but for this time I feel careful even more so. Like I have to make whatever I say quotable, even a sentence or half. Speaking in a general sense, that can be applied to daily struggles. I guess that’s what my purpose is in the body of Christ, to feel these emotions and weave them into a blanket of understanding and hope. I absorb the negativity so others won’t have to.

1 Peter 3:10, For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

When I talk to someone (mostly my mom) about my thoughts of suicide and depression, she always rebuttals me by saying how weak it is to think and say things like that. I’m only expressing myself mother. She tells me that I have to “be a man” and that I have to not let these emotions take control of me. Well, let’s take a look at these statistics.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jan/21/suicide-gender-men-women-mental-health-nick-clegg

Men are more likely to kill themselves as per this statistic. Not really “being a man” huh? If they were, then I should do it to. But I won’t, because I won’t conform like the men of this world, but instead be a man of the Lord. Just as Christ suffered on Earth, so shall I and my brothers and my sisters and all those who are in Christ.

Romans 8:17, And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

Romans 8:36, As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

[My friends, I tell you this, it’s not weak to talk about suicidal thoughts and to vent out your frustrations. Look at me, I had this season of suicide and yet I am still alive. Christ keeps me alive. For all those with tears, let them stream down your cheeks, do not hold them back, let them out my friends]

What I shall do first is to read the Bible, at least some chapters. I shall know the Lord more and have less doubts and have more faith. By reading the Bible continually, every day I shall live with less doubts, for I know that in those doubts are not the faith that I would have.

Proverbs 3:5-8 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

James 1:6 - But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

Matthew 21:21 - Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this [which is done] to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

 

Every day I want to kill myself.

They call it suicide, I call it sacrifice.

Every day I see the world as meaningless.

 

For we as Christians are to suffer like Christ.

The world has foundation in sloth, but us our salvation.

For we as Christians know temporal rewards are meaningless.

The world yerns for rewards in itself, but us out of ourself.

 

For victory is not victory if it is not whole.

[Excellent Universal Salvation of Christ foreshadowing here Song!]

 

The only thing to look forward to in life.

The only thing that is whole.

Is our whole defeat.

And I’ve got my whole life ahead of me of that.

 

The world fears death, but I fear if this life was just this.

Worst case scenario, I live another day.

But not in vain, for rewards are up my lane.

The lane towards Heaven, my permanent residence.

Going there no matter what.

Even if the world thinks I’m a nut.

 

John 15:18, If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.