Psalm NEB 17:7 Show me how marvelous thy true love can be.
Journal Entry 38 – Pain in my Head
October 23rd (Monday) 2017
I type this journal entry as a rehabilitation positively biblically speaking. Even now, I can hear her screaming. Just thinking about it now hurts my head, so I’ll just move on to today. (Even if it’s already still today).
On this day started today.
despite all the effort that I put into my project, all the weekend that I spent on it, they didn’t care about this. Despite this, I loved them anyways, for God loves me despite my sins, who am I to hate a person just because they sin a little bit differently than I do. God loves them all the same, just like how He loves me.
I needed someone to talk to about this at the time. Not my friends, I don’t trust them and have few of them. Not my class, I’d be talking about them directly to them. Now my best friend is God. He doesn’t yell at me and doesn’t hate me when I tell Him that I want to kill myself).
What my mom sent me though made me go into tears. I was starting to cry, so I immediately left my stuff, There, I cried. I didn’t cry, like streams down my face, just small drops forming in my eyes. Needless to say, I let it out and boy was it releving. It was another moment when I took the shield of my blessed hope, my assurance by faith alone in Jesus Christ, if saved always saved, and used it to block the fiery darts of doubt that Satan was attacking my mind with.
Ephesians 6:16 - Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
That J thing at the end is supposed to display as one of those yellow smiley faces, but since my phone doesn’t support that, it just shows as a blue J.
At home, I was having trouble praying on the bus to God because I was tired. I immediately prayed to God with joy. The house was finally quiet for once. I prayed out loud to God, first whispering in thanks about relieving once more my doubts about salvation (I’m already saved, and forever saved, as I’m sealed with the Holy Spirit unto the day of my redemption) but then saying it loudly, boldly and proudly.
With my mom I told her that I wanted to kill myself as usual. She said…
“If you kill yourself, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to take your picture and post it on Facebook with a big caption spelling [Insulting Name]! ‘What a coward’ they’ll say. While other people were killing themselves over wars, divorces and debt, you just killed yourself because of work.”
It made me depressed and talk in monotone.
P.S. My mom just came down and said not to write things about the Bible because it’s not impressive. Little does she know that I’m not doing this to impress her, I’m doing this for God, for rewards in Heaven. While my school, parents and friends may let me down, Jesus Christ never will. Thank you, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; the name above all names!
[Future Song, as I was writing this, my whole TV screen turned blood red and then started burning from all four corners into the center. Then the Panasonic TV button started flashing red and not, alternating. I tried connecting my laptop to the HDMI and back, but it wouldn’t connect. If I were to guess, I imagine this is the Devil’s attempt to try and stop me from creating this website, as I format these Journal Entries individually from .docx to .htm Microsoft Word, but I will continue, as seeing Satan’s attempt here, motivates me even more, as I know what I’m doing is right!]