ISAIAH 54:7-8 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer. (NIV)
Journal Entry 14 – The Rush of Suicide
September 29th (Monday) 2017.
I’m typing this in the middle of the night, I’m hungry. Let’s get this over quick ok. I’m tired.
Philippians 3:12-14 – “12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
By the time I’m done my crisis with whether I’m saved or not, and I’ve done adequate soul winning, I don’t have time to eat, I don’t have time to do these typings, I don’t have time for any of this. I want more time yet I want to die as soon as possible. I want to be with God in Heaven, yet I want to stay on Earth here. This is the dilemma of the flesh and spirit.
Galatians 5:17 – “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.”
Understandable, so I hope that God shines His light on me. He is though, I just need to conquer this to see Him.
John 6:37-39 – “37 All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. 38 For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me. 39 And this is the Father's will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.”
I did ask for more faith afterall. And there is no other way to gain more faith than through trial and tribulation. Imperishable heavenly gold refined in the fire, to test to see if it is worthy. How wonderful with Heaven be, no more doubts! I could actually enjoy life than. For now, Song, keep holding on. Kill yourself now and you’ll miss out on some sweet sweet rewards. If you want to kill yourself Song, than just relax and have fun for a bit. Better to hold out ‘till the end than to kill yourself over making it perfect.
Matthew 6:34 – “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”