Christ Jesus shall save the entire planet, guaranteed! Faith alone.

John 1:9 Jesus "was the true light which gives light to EVERY MAN who come into the world."

 

Journal Entry 120 - Hard

January 14^th (Sunday) 2018

Wow, didn’t think it would actually paste like this, like a document from the folders tab.

 

12:13 PM Anyways, this video was pretty touching. Makes me feel good being oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a man.

For now, I can see that I’m obsessing. I’m starting to see it more now that I see all of the list I post on here (not the ones I’m interested in, just ones I saw). I’m going to stop and focus on my work,

I could kill myself right now and relax through death, but I won’t. I will earn that relaxation by having enough money to afford it. Nice hot shower, a hot tub, a soft bed, tons of those cuddly blankets,

I have no friends outside of my family, I have no one to talk to through my emotions, just myself through this journal entry. I hope someone actually reads this or finds it, I really do. Please help me, I’m begging you, help me. Don’t see that as an obligation either, I don’t want to make you grow weary through that pressure, I just want to be free and liberated from all this weight on my thoughts.

I’m tired of the yelling and of the work and of the taunting and of procrastination and of religious references in the media. [Relationship faith alone in Christ saves] I’m so tired of life, but I can’t kill myself, or else I will just bring pain for others. I need to be their for them, my family, even if there not there for me, so that I can grow and maybe find someone I can depend on and fully trust with every thought and emotion and fear and doubt. I hope so at least. If not, I die and go to Heaven, because of, you know. I don’t want to force myself to talk and mention that, I’m not going to church for a long time, I just want to rest.

I want to rest in the arms of someone who loves me.

I want to rest in happiness.

Is that too much to ask?

…

Actually, I find the most comfort in God, who is real, since this blanket is obviously a blessing from Him. He needs me to be alive for His purpose after all, I’m already saved. I really do believe in that feeling. Let’s hope it comes true. I will make it come true.

 

2:56 PM

 

Hhahahahahhahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My room has a slight sound in it, a buzz. And it annoys me. And only money can fix it.

Ok, no obsessing. Time to study, 4:12 PM haven’t, so I will.

Seesh, my keyboard is so dusty all of a sudden, the air quality here must really suck. All the more reason to escape this poverty through money hahahah!!!!!

 

10:52 PM Mom shouted at me because I had some hole in my skin or something. No clue where that came from. Picking? That wouldn’t make sense sicne I stop, so probably thinking position.

HSAHAHSERWHWAEHRAHDH EHFHASFDHFAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I can’t even get comfort from my own parents.. Hahahahahahha HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAYHAHAAHAHAHAEHR7IUHSDFJKASfdl iuosadhfiausefhiluoasdhfb

And if not, well I won’t kill myself.

please help me