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Journal Entry 119 – Hard Work

January 13^th (Saturday) 2018

Yooo, my boys. It’s me Song again and I just did a bunch of workout stuff for

Because that’s all that matters in life, I will work for a better future

Sometimes I feel these journal entries are a waste, but then I realize that the time I spend on them motivate me not just to not kill myself, but to work hard and strive hard in life so I won’t have to be stressed anymore. To create for myself a life of pleasure and relaxation and enjoyment.

·        Video games

·        Anime

·        Lotsa of tea and aroma therapy and meditation stuff (for ultimate relaxation)

·        A hot tub or might as well hot showers (just because they’re so nice, and I do plan on continuing taking showers aprox. daily, so might as well make them feel good. I don’t care if a shower is long, as long as it felt nice and warm, that’s nice.

·        Inositol medication and other relaxation and anti-anxiety herbs (to help my brain heal itself from you-know-what)

·        Actual time to pursue hobbies

·        Maybe even publishing all of these notes as it’s own official book series or something lol

·        Anti anxiety blanket and just bulk buy a huge supply of those cuddly blankets I have

·        Being stronger to resist the constant voices in my head. These worries and fears and feelings are all fake. Why should I believe in something that’s not real? Don’t trust your heart, never follow it. That’s good advice.

·        Buying good video games to play with my sister with (or when she’s older, getting her into other fandoms lol and discussing like true friends)

·        Actually making my mother’s suffering not in vain and not repeating what happened to her through me all over again.

·        And, of course, even more money!

I’m strong, and I know my body will adapt to all this stress; it’s necessary. When it does, and I get out of these turbulent teen times, I will be able to enjoy life for once in my life.

I’m going to suffer no matter what. Whether I’m working hard or not, I’m still going to feel these feelings, like everyone else does, it’s not abnormal to believe in something that’s fake, we all cling to those sorts of things. So I’m going to work hard, because I’m already at the maximum threshold of my suffering. Nothing is going to make me feel anymore pain than what I already feel, as even our own mental conditions have their biological limits that cannot break, as is our biological brian.

Whether I work hard or not, I will be in the same amount of pain; absolute. Might as well work hard, because at least there’s a benefit to it. Why should I sit back and watch my world be destroyed? This is my world, and I fight for it because it’s mine.

6:15 PM. I’m obsessing again aren’t I? I don’t care if it takes me a long time to sleep, it’s comfy and it’s relaxing. Besides, more time to be awake to play hahahaha.

Look at those links boi, well I’m obsessing again, forget this. I’m the master of my own thoughts. These feelings, these constant flowing thoughts in my head, they’re meaningless and fake. They aren’t real.

At least being will give me a friend, a true friend who I can trust and have fun playing with. Hahaha, I love the Lord and Heaven, I’m going to get it no matter what. Nobody has a resolve like mine, I have a reason to live, so that the efforts of my family are not in vain. But not just that. If I’m suffering now, that means the good stuff is just around the corner. I think. Well, I shouldn’t think. I’m done obsessing. Done.