Christ Jesus, the saviour of the entire Universe and everyone in it! Faith alone.

1 John 2:2 Jesus "is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world." ()

 

Journal Entry 117 – Hard Willed

January 11^th (Thursday) 2018

Dangit, wasted potential 40 minutes of working because I can taste like this awful taste in my nose. Maybe it’s the medications. Ah well, I don’t expect happiness from life at this point.

I look at all the people in my school, and they all have friends. I have none. All the kids have their own times to play and have fun with each other, but me I have none.

Sure, I may constantly now be noticing my breathing and sleeping, but WHO CARES.

COULD ANYONE HAVE COME THIS FAR

COULD ANYONE ELSE HAVE DONE WHAT I HAVE DID

I’m not going to kill myself because I want to be Good for them, nothing cheers me up more. Not myself of course, but others, because that just means less competition, and my life gets easier and thus better. Look at me! I’ve done none of that and look how strong I am!

Of course, I love the Lord beyond all else, but He’s in this life now is He? I’ve done everything He needs me to do in this life, believe in Him. The only thing else He wants me to do is live, so I’m living. The only way I can do that

I won’t be weak enough to let a day be ruined by mere thoughts. They aren’t real, these worries aren’t real, they’re just a misuse of my imagination.

And then I’ll finally be at peace.

And then, everything will be quiet.

And I’ll be alright.

And I’m strong.

Why should I believe in something that isn’t real?

I am happy and I will be even happier.

I’m not going to kill myself.

HahahahhahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Insert Lelouch laugh here)