Christ Jesus saviour of the entire planet and everyone in it!
Phil. 3:21 Jesus is "able even to subdue ALL THINGS to Himself."
Journal Entry 116 – Notice
January 10th (Wednesday) 2018
Dangit, I noticed my breathing. How itfs so shallow and so stiff. Itfs not as bad as the stuff before, since Ifve been reducing my anxiety, but it makes me wonder whether this is simply caused by my anxiety or something else entirely.
Dangit, 14 links. You know what, Ifm strong. Strong enough to not believe in the superstition of not being able to breathe. I literally defeated the behemoth man made works salvation religion, I can handle this. For the sake of everyone suffering from something thatfs worth, if I canft enjoy my life now then how will I ever?
Everyone goes through this, the Lord is just testing me to make me stronger for the future. Ifm not going to be upset that I took a nap and slept for 2 hours, who cares if that makes me sleep less or more, my cuddley blanket is comfy nevertheless. Who cares if I think about my breathing or sleep, itfs just thoughts. And they canft hurt me. Ifm stronger than them.
so much noise. because Ifm tired of this miserable life. And if this miserable life doesnft get any better, I might as well kill myself.
Itfs good to be pretentious. Because seeing yourself as others means you carry yourself better than others, as if everyone is looking at you. The most important skill in life is the ability to fake confidence know that whenever I walk around, I see people as weaker than me. gThey have not suffered through the horrors I have, and if they have, they had not surmounted them as I haveh.
I donft care that sometimes I have difficulty breathing, or difficulty sleeping, or difficulty thinking even for a second without worrying. I want money for the sake of having it so others wonft have it. Ifm not going to let some guy who lives a perfect and carefree and happy social life get a bunch of money, Ifm going to take it all for myself. If I canft enjoy life, then no one will.
Donft hate me for that. That is simply the will of life and the will of my conditions that have been set forth before me. When life pushes me down more unfairly than others, than hell I am going to push down others to climb to the top. Even if therefs no benefit, just seeing the power I have is good enough for me.
I am strong.
Stronger than all
And if the Lord is on my side, then surely how can I lose? Because even when I die, Ifve already won.
Thatfs why I find great joy in seeing This is my life. A better life, a stronger life.
And all make me feel grateful to the strength which the Lord has granted to me in my favor. Because I could easily be one of them if it were not Christfs will. God has a special plan with my life, and I wonft let him down. He foresees a future where I donft kill myself, and with this knowledge, I wonft leave it to waste.
It breaks my heart, to see my whole family suffer. I will lift them up with me, I will be strong for them.
Lest their efforts be in vain
Lest my efforts be in vain
my suffering over the break will not be in vain. I did not break my sanity for nothing homies.