Christ Jesus shall save the entire planet, guaranteed! Faith alone.

John 1:9 Jesus "was the true light which gives light to EVERY MAN who come into the world."

Journal Entry 104 - Storrying

December 28^th (Thursday) 2017

Woah, it’s already Thursday? THURSDAY!?!?!??!

Though, I still have one hope now that I think about it. Jesus Christ. Since I get obsessive over this, I’m going to just say this quickly and let it be done.

http://www.whatabeginning.com/Misc/Griffioen.pdf

By being disciples, by being the hands and feet of Christ while we live on earth. By loving others as He loved us, we show Him to the world without speaking a word

Anyways, that’s all I’ll talk about for that. I’m saved and I evangelize by loving others, the greatest commandment. It’s ok if some aren’t saved, because it’s their own fault, because if they cared, they would have searched themselves. My love compels them to do that themselves. Amen.

It’s no wonder most athiests have a sad past. Yes, even during my own suffering of OCD I started hating the Lord, but it was in vain, because of what I’ve seen by my own eyes, the joy of God and the mathematical constants of the likes of Pi and Euler’s Number in the Bible, I cannot deny our Savior Jesus Christ, saved by simple faith in Him alone.

Now that that’s done, it’s time to love that make me truly joyous on the instead. Thank you Lord, for everything you’ve done to calm and aid me.

…

That’s right. You know all that altruism and humanitarian volunteering stuff that I searched up yesterday? Turns out that despite my pain through it, the Lord gave it to me because He was preparing me for the scenario, this chance to finally have money and relax. Urgh, that makes me stress a bit because I’ll have to give away money for stuff like the church and what not… but that’s ok.

I remember yesterday how I kinda had to force a conversation with my mom where I had to ask her how much you should tithe at a church. She says that before at her church she would put in $2 in the collection bin. She says that 10$ - 20$ is a lot already, and is sad that Canada lost the $2 bills, because now everyone has to put in $5 so it can look like paper and not cheap coins like loonies and toonies. Like literally, those coins feel like dropping metal into one of those empty cans or something.

I find it humerous how so much people are talking about how you can’t “rewrite the Bible to make it more appealing”, or how “it’s God’s word, not ours”. My homies, it literally says that they [everybody will be saved by faith alone in Jesus Christ. All people will go to Heaven].

So screw obsessing over this, it hasn’t been the first time the [mainstream] church has been wrong. But is it not better to mistake the Lord for a just lawgiver instead of a cruel sadistic torturer?

This music, this music is absolutely wonderful. Great stress relief for sure. Now, time to finish this work load so I can finally rest. I will get that inositol and be happppyyy. Though, him mentioning “evangelical” content stresses me, as it makes me think of forcefully going out into the world and all those street preaching, I now realize that “evangelical” simply means to love others, so that when people ask, I can tell them I’m a Christian, like that one time in Applied Math with scott.

Oooohoohohh auuuuuuhhh yeah. This music. It feels so nice. It feels like this is like the closest thing I can get to Heaven on earth. Even with these negative feelings attack me, with my brain’s biological deficiencies, this is still calming me. Already 1:00 PM, time to work and finish all of this so I can play. Good bye my friends, I love you all in the Lord. Amen.

Update

Dangit, now it’s 3:00 PM and I’m worrying about girl’s periods. GIRLS PERIODS!!!! I don’t even have one, yet the pain makes me feel bad just for being a male. It makes just my existence alone feel so selfish and horrible because I have it so lucky while these girls are in, what they describe as excruciating pain. I’ve searched up,

Though, enough of this.

Now that I’ve researched this, I need to stay strong.

I’ve been betrayed and have lost trust in so many people that I cannot even trust myself.

BUT ENOGUH

I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE

STOP IT

NOW.

…

WHY?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!

I COULD BE HAPPY, USING THIS RARE CHANCE I HAVE WITHOUT A DEBILITATING MENTAL ILLNESS TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE, WHY CAN’T I STOP FEELING SORRY FOR THEM

Ugh

This is the problem with social media, and well internet in general.

You get too connected to anonymous people, and worry and feel for them when it’s not necessary and not beneficial to do so. It’s a waste of time.

And some of you may be feeling those same feelings towards me, to which I personally say to you, stop it. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, or try to comfort me, or anything. Sure, give me health information if it’s useful or email some motivational advice, but if all you’re going to do is worry about me without taking action, then don’t do it. Because what’s the point of planning all of this junk out in our heads if we aren’t going to do something about it.

I definitely know I have OCD now, this guilty sensitivity is off the chart. Everything feels like me fault, and I’m constantly making a personal connection to anything.

I won’t kill myself,

I will enjoy my life, for their sake…

That’s the best I could do to help them anyways.

Let’s just hope that they’re not as egotistic as I am and hate the sight of other people happy. Showing them that people were just born luckier than them.

…

Enough.

…

I’m finishing this today.

For my happiness to increase.

Permanently.

Today is the day I stop this madness, and realize that it’s all in my mind.

It’s all in my head.

And I am okay.

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?26513-how-I-cured-my-anxiety-and-OCD-with-supplements

Rewatching this video triggered it. Part where she mentioned, ironically, not having to deal with period pain anymore due to birth control.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GGwfGSHJCY&t=394s

https://hischarisisenough.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/treasures-not-rewards/

Screw rewards in Heaven, we’ll all be eternally happy in Heaven. I’ve got nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

https://escapetoreality.org/2015/06/11/reward-for-labor-1-corinthians-3v8/

BAM. Children are rewards from the Lord. Therefore, spiritual rewards are spiritual offspring. GOD REWARDS US BASED ON OUR LOVING RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!! I’ll only evangelize when I get the opportunity too, it stresses me out too much to go out and randomly preach to people. I’ll form loving relationships with other people, so that I could tell them about Christ properly.

But enough stress about that, I don’t care about having much rewards in Heaven, since we can always earn them (befriend spirits) in Heaven. Nothing I do matters, it’s just because of the Lord that I am saved, nothing of myself. Amen.

https://barntsinthebelfry.wordpress.com/2015/05/30/stress-free-evangelism/

Pray for your unbelieving friends. Trust God to initiate conversations in a natural, organic way. If God is not involved, you don’t want to be either. It’s his body, hisbusiness.

Jesus calls his Father the Lord of the Harvest, sending out his laborers. Like good laborers, we shouldn’t feel the full burden of the harvest. We should simply do what we can with the tools and opportunities we are given, trusting the Lord for the results. It is not our harvest.

Evangelism is never easy, but to approach others with respect, a reasonable argument and a reliance on God can go a long way toward letting the good news impact the people around you. Don’t force it. Live it.

Thank you Lord for this, I shouldn’t feel the burden of the harvest. After all, it’s not mine it’s yours. I give you my burdens Lord, off my head, off my back and off my mind. Please, take them away and let me receive peace in their place. Amen.